Adie

Should I be offended that my friend told me to get a life?  She meant it in the most sincere and caring way…so I think I’ll let it pass.  It was just part of a long list of great mothering advice from someone who has been a mother longer than I have.

Adie (pronounced 80) and I sometimes joke that we’re clones.  We both have auburn hair (although if we’re being really authentic here, mine can only be called auburn with a little help from L’Oreal).  We share similar tastes in music, an unusually high fondness for excel spreadsheets and a love of lists and planning.  Plus we both have a passion for discovering who God is and sharing that with others. 

For some reason, she and I are always planning or working on something together.  GEMS (like Girl Scouts, but way different), Bible studies, Food groups, Women’s retreats…there’s always something. 

She has three children and so do I.  Her oldest is about to become a doctor…hmmm… that may be where our similarities end.  My oldest does well in school, but first grade is a long cry from med school.  Plus Sydney runs in the opposite direction of anyone with blood.  I don’t think the medical profession is in her future.

ANYWAY…When evaluating who should start the list of Authentic Mothers, Adie seemed like the obvious choice.  I have long admired her honesty, her inner strength and her relationship with God.  She is authentic in the true sense.  She is real, approachable and incredibly humble.  Plus she agreed to be interviewed, which always helps!

Adie graduated from University of Maryland as a Parks and Rec. major.  She has been married for almost 29 years.  She married at 22 and had her first child at 24.  She has three fantastic kids, all of whom are totally unique.  She’s an amazing gardener, bread maker AND pie maker…and well, the list could go on.  But if all that I told you were good things about Adie, this wouldn’t be about Authentic Motherhood.  Since that’s what this is all about I have to tell you more. 

One of the best stories that Adie shared with me was the day she quit her job as a mother.  Her oldest son was about five and, at the time, she was also caring for her nephew during the day.  One day in particular she became fed up. So she told her five year old that she quit.  He apparently took her very seriously because he and his cousin packed up and began to head for his aunts house.  He knew that someone should be in charge. Mom quit and so he was off to find someone he trusted to be in charge.  

I love this story for a number of reasons. 

• I love that Adie shared it with me; it shows that she’s not trying to project perfection. Too many mothers would keep that gem of a story hidden under wraps in order to keep the “perfect mom” illusion alive. 
• I love the story because it shows that all moms get frustrated.  Even Moms that I admire.  So now when I become frustrated I know that I’m not alone. 
• And finally; the child who heard the words “I quit” from his mother?  He’s now the one moving on to become a medical doctor.  He’s married and still has a great relationship with his mom.  So even when I do make a mistake (which I often do)…chances are I’m not going to royally screw up my kids.  .

Actually, when Adie and I were talking about this blog, that was the one piece of advice that she had for mothers.  “Relax.  Kids are much more resilient than we think they are.  When we’re new at it and they’re young…we think we have to get everything just right and we never do.  They learn from all of that, it’s just part of their story.  You don’t even need to try to be supermom.” 

I could go on for pages about Adie’s insight into parenting and children, but this post would get a little long.  Instead I’ll go back to the original insight from Adie that I find incredibly important for mothers.  We all need to “get a life!”  She doesn’t say it in a mean or hurtful way.  It’s more an obvious observation that we can’t focus all of our time and energy on our kids. Adie says it best “If I don’t know and foster who I am, then I’m just going to invest in my children and that’s not healthy for anybody.  Find a way to have a life that your kids are a part of, but that your life is not your kids”