Nikki

Did you know that the odds of being struck by lightning in our lifetime are 1 in 6250?  That means that my next Authentic Mother is at least one in six thousand two hundred and fifty…but I think that number should be higher.

But before I tell you her story I need have to tell you that this post has been a challenge to write.  It’s not because I don’t think Nikki is amazing and it’s not because there’s isn’t enough about her to write.  In fact the opposite is true.  It has been difficult because I want to tell you her story appropriately. 

So I’m going to start with the lesson first.  Nikki inspires me because she refuses to let life roll over her and make her a victim.  You need to know that before you read her story. Some of you might feel sorry for her after hearing what she has been through…but you shouldn’t.  My hope is that she inspires you the way she inspires me.

Nikki is strong, and funny and such a great listener, which is good because she’s a professional counselor.   She has an undergraduate from University of Colorado, and a masters from Denver Seminary. She has been married for nine, going on ten years and she’s also the mother of an adorable-almost five year old- boy. 

To say that Nikki has been through a lot in her lifetime would be an understatement.  Nikki has been struck by lightning, went through two years of constant pain, and a period of depression and anxiety.  Finally, and most recently, she and her husband went through the adoption process, were chosen by a birth mother and awaiting their little girls delivery, only to have her disappear into the foster care system, hands tied to do anything to stop it. 

If you met Nikki you would never guess any of those things.  Nikki is joyful and full of laughter and hope and- most importantly- she’s real about life.

I got struck by lightning and I’m different now.  I don’t know who I would have been, but I’m not her anymore because I have this trauma that happened.  It happened in a moment that changed my life.Honestly, if I could go back and change it, would I make sure it never happened?  Absolutely! Could I say I’m better?  I don’t know.  I think God redeems it and is redeeming it.  It makes me who I am and it makes me a good therapist and a good listener and I’m tuned into other people’s trauma and I can see pain quickly.  There’s a lot of good in that, but I wouldn’t say it’s made me a better person.

Do you see what I mean?  No pity party…but she doesn’t make it all out to be okay.  She is real and honest.  I admire that. 

She has allowed herself to be who God created her to be, even when it didn’t fit the mold of what she was expecting.  When we talked about what it was like for her after her son was born, she talked about a period of depression and anxiety.

I was feeling like a really bad mom because I didn’t like being home.  “I’m not good enough, I’m terrible at this! My God what has happened to ME?  Is this what motherhood is about?”  All the while the guilt part because I have this gorgeous little boy that I love so dearly!  I didn’t quite know how to accept that those things can happen together and that’s okay.  That you can love your child and not love staying home with them.   I felt God saying, Nikki you can still be who you are, as a mom.  Come with me, let me show you what you can do.

That’s it…the second lesson.  We don’t have to fit someone else’s mold of who they think we should be…we just have to be ourselves.  God created us all unique, and he wants us to be just who we are; real honest people.  We’re more inspiring that way.