Our household has been put on pause for the last two days. All of the activities, stuff and other goings on have been cancelled or otherwise avoided so that we can enjoy the blanket of white stuff outside our window. I love snow days. There is a magic that exists when the world is covered in white. The world is clean, and bright. There is beauty to be found all around. In the snow covered trees to the sparkle of the sun on the snow. Sadly it doesn't last. Often times it is interupted by fighting children, life responsibilities and warmer weather.
However as my children sleep from the long mid morning sledding adventure I can feel the magic of this snow day. We have no where to be, and just for today I do not feel the need to get stuff done. I wish every day were like this. A time that I could cherish what it is to be a child...enjoying the moment, without thinking of what else I have to do. The freeness to take time to breathe, look around and enjoy that moment.
I've been working on the skill of breathing as of late. Not breathing in the physical, if I don't I would die sense. But in the emotional, life giving sense. You see when I challenged myself to "love others without strings" little did I know what kind of journey I was in for. I found it difficult to love those in my every day. How exactly was I supposed to love people I'm not even connected to? I love my family but in the chaos that is three young children I was having a tough time liking them in the messiness. I was frustrated with days when I had just cleaned and those three beautiful "angels" left legos on the floor, car rides where, if I heard one more child whine, I was going to stop the car and make them all walk home, or my personal favorite, I would be making a quick telephone call but at that very second one of my beloved darlings would need help from me instantly and so would poke, tug or yell at me to get my attention! I also dearly love my husband but sometimes I wish he could put the dishes actually in the dishwasher instead of just on TOP of it. So I was in a place of wanting to love everyone but I wasn't doing a very good job of loving the few I had been entrusted with.
However God began, slowly but surely, reminding me that I couldn't possibly love others all on my own. Before I could love others I first had to remember how much he loves me...and he does even when I leave legos on the floor or I don't put the dishes in the dishwasher. In fact he loves me so very much that he sent his son here to suffer so that I could spend eternity with him. If he can love me that much than maybe, with his help, I can love those around me, even when it's not easy. He also reminded me that it is when I focus on the important things that it is easier to love. It is when I get caught up with the mundane trivial things in life that I am most frustrated when difficulties arise. So I'm learning to breathe and to take time to be content, whatever my circumstances. To find joy in the face of my two year old as he leaps from his top bunk, or the innocence of my six year old as she retells the story of her hurt feelings on the playground or even in the mischievous smile of my four year old as he pokes his sister for the third time with the knights sword...just because.
