New Journeys

 

Before I begin I have to say that I have not completely given up on the idea of interviewing real authentic mothers.  That has simply been put on hold for a few months.  I felt the need to slow down, pull back and say no to more things than I said yes to.  I hope to get back to the regularly scheduled programming soon…but for now…well, you’ll see... 

 

Every now and again a book shapes my life significantly.  Actually it usually turns out that it is a series of books, each book with unique topic but always reinforcing some singular message.

Three years ago I was frazzled, frustrated and downright exhausted.  I was looking for answers.  Thoughts on how other moms managed to live their lives without yelling at their kids too much, forgetting to put the milk away on a regular basis and, most importantly, without waiting with excitement for bedtime.  

Shortly before Mothers Day I picked up a book.  A book about mothering…and though filled with a number of great ideas on things to do, that book spoke one important message to me.  Read your Bible every day.  Hmmm…

After finishing that book I checked out another.  It had been recommended by a friend.  Another compilation of fantastic ideas, thoughts on beauty but with the same important message.  Read you Bible every day. 

Would you believe the third book I checked out that summer had the exact same message? 

That summer I began a journey.  One I have never regretted.  That journey led me very unexpectedly to becoming the Women’s Retreat coordinator for my church.  It was a job I felt unqualified and unprepared for.  However I knew without a doubt that God had called me to that position.  And so I made myself available.  God can do amazing things when our only qualification is availability. 

But as often happens my life became too hectic, too cluttered and much too chaotic.  And so I started my slow journey back to quieting things down.  For some reason that journey always begins with a book.

This summer I have read some fantastic books.  They covered an array of topics from girls with tattoos to answers to skeptics questions on God.  However I am sensing one message in my reading; 

Slow down, and just be who God created me to be. 

How does one do that?  How do I slow down when I have three children, two of whom are in elementary school?  How do I slow down when I have commitments outside of being a mom?  How do I slow down when my whole being feels programmed to GO GO GO?

Last week I spent two days without kids, without responsibilities and without appointments.  I was in a strange city, staying in a strange room.  My husband was there but working.  So I had all day every day to do what I wanted, when I wanted.  It was easy to remember what I loved in those moments.  I read, I walked a lot, I exercised.  I ate yummy food-at a place that I got to choose.  I caught a glimpse of who I am, outside of being a mother. 

But then I came home.  I was met with laundry, dishes, a cluttered home and a party to organize.  The responsibilities of being a wife, a mother, a friend and all of the other roles I play met me full force.  So how do I remain true to myself-the one who is a mother, but not only a mother-how do I accomplish that?

I have, in the past, found an identity in my job, in being a scrap booker, in being crafty, in being an athlete, and now in being a mother.  But none of those titles truly defines me.  Not really.  So who am I?

Timothy Keller, in his book The Reason for God, defines sin as “the despairing refusal to find your deepest identity in your relationship and service to God.  Sin is seeking to become oneself, to get an identity, apart from him. 

Sin isn’t breaking the “divine rules” says Keller.  It’s the making of good things into ultimate things.  I do that ALL.THE.TIME.  I do that when I identify myself solely by what I do.  Yes I am a triathlete, but that is not all that I am.  If my identity is wrapped up in being a fast runner I am setting myself up for failure.  There will always be someone faster than I am.  Trust me it’s not that difficult.  If I base my identity on having a clean home, I am once again setting myself up for failure.  Because there will be a time when my home is not perfect (once again it’s not that difficult to imagine) and someone will stop in and see my disaster and I will be a failure. 

So who am I?  What makes me uniquely me?  And once I figure that out, how do I remain true to that person AND still meet the needs of all my other roles?

A new journey…one that I am sure I won’t regret.