Are you a helicopter parent? I never figured myself for one…but it turns out I just may be.
My middle child has one of the most amazing preschool teachers ever. Elaine is the kind of teacher you want caring for your preschooler when you aren’t there. She loves on the kids in the classroom as if they were her own. She’s nurturing, loving and encouraging. Her classroom is a chaotic learning atmosphere: the kids are having so much fun in there they have no idea they’re learning. But they are!
She knows a thing or two about educating kids. She has an undergraduate degree in Early childhood development, a masters degree in Early Childhood Education and she is a certified Love and Logic Instructor.
I feel as though we’re kindred spirits, Elaine and I. She has caught me once or twice, handing my oldest child homework, forgotten at home. She smiles and nods. Understanding completely. So when our conversation about parenting hit the topic of consequences I was a little surprised to hear Elaine tell me that she wished she had let her kids experience consequences and responsibilities sooner. Wait, WHAT?!
I was the “go to” Mom and I loved it but it wasn’t good for them and it wasn’t good for me.
She’s speaking from experience. Elaine has four grown children of her own. Her oldest is 33, youngest is 23. One of them is an alcoholic. At the age of 15 he started drinking, and Elaine didn’t recognize that it was a problem. She and her husband continued parenting him until he was much older than 18. It has only been in the last few years that she has had to learn to let him go, make his own decisions and deal with the consequences.
If my name is not on the problem I don’t own it anymore. I think as moms the sooner we learn it the better. Let our kids go ahead and experience some consequences. Take more responsibility for mistakes. It’s not a punishment…but “oh oh, what are you going to do about that?”
So…I may be a helicopter parent. I never would have guessed it. But the fact is, I don’t like to see my kids in pain. Allowing them to feel natural consequences is unnatural to me. My husband tells me I coddle our kids, he might be right.
Part of good parenting is helping my kids figure out how to be independent. If I make sure they never suffer a consequence, if I run around all morning reminding them of all the things they need to remember, if I show up at school with a forgotten library book…well you get the picture. I’ve done them all and I’m not helping them by doing it.
So I’m sitting here, typing on my laptop with a dishwasher full of clean dishes. It’s just waiting for my daughter to get home so she and her brothers can empty it together....I'm thinking more responsibility is a good thing. I think tonight they’ll clean their rooms and the toy room and maybe the basement…hmmm…now that might be crossing the line :) Baby steps…
One last piece of advice from the worlds greatest preschool teacher…
It’s all about the girlfriends! Fostering those relationships with other women who are in the same position, that is huge!
So who’s up for some wine?
